Another avenue

i'm starting on my new blog at wordpress...finally...think i'll be stopping here gradually..

wordpress's good. i can determine which post i want it read and which post i dun. save myself from future trouble from irritating egoistic ppl to read and take it personally and "ridicule" me again.

allynawithnopretense@wordpress.com...

Friday Cell

Today's cell group discussion has been very fruitful and refreshing. It is a timely reminder for me as to why i'm going to church or even serving in the children church ministry at all.

Its not that i've forgotten that serving and going to church is a crucial aspect of our christian walk with God. Its just that i've forgotten the sole purpose of serving... to serve and honour God...as well as to build up a legacy of what i can leave behind for the next generation.

For this fact alone, it helps reignite the passion i first had when i first joined children church. It also brought me back the memory of how i first came to know Christ and how i had loved God so much so that i would read the bible every single day so that i can find out all about Him.

I had always been in self-denial about being in a season of spiritual dryness. The growth is going on the negative. And i do know the source of why this is happening. Maybe its really time i give it a thorough reconsideration and not just per-say only. sighz. its a reality i must face.

Supper with my new cell members from the 19yr-old cell had been tremendously fun. As always..we had allowed the newbies quick assimilation into our group and i can see that all of them are very comfortable with us.

Not surprising. Since they're all on the talkative side as well. Haha. 

I hope this coming Friday's plans with the twins and Russell works out. I haven gone rock-climbing since last year..june? and i'm definitely looking forward to doing it this Friday.

Rasmus!! Jia you for yer driving and riding test this thursday yeah? i'm sure the grace of God would be over u and both tests will be completed with great results...ganbette!!

And then come April, it'll be my turn to pass and then we can all go riding together!! So other than praying for my pass, also pray for my dad's consent to get a bike ok??

yup yup. i love my new cell grp and the new frens that came with it...yeah!!!

and one last thing (pardon my language though).....ridiculed unmercilessly? to the FUCK with u manz. nobody can be bothered the least bit. 

Funny Statement

Yay! i like this : "people who don't know me thinks i'm quiet. But people who knows me wished i was"

Reflection: i think many people do feel the same way about how their friends thought this of them. Its a funny statement though. All thanks to Esther who showed me this :) 

i'm so glad i met up with u guys today. it helps take my mind off my 3rd attempt's failure. u guys have been great cheer-leaders!!!

I'm sure my fourth attempt on 2 April shld be the final one.....Esther, i can den ride u to school!!!!

everything is ridiculously blowing out of proportions.

stop k? stop!

my blog had meant for me to have an avenue to rant. i hate it when i get ppl telling me i shouldnt be writing this, i shouldnt be writing that.

Arg...if i shouldnt be writing my real thoughts then why shld i even blog. its the essence of it isnt it?

i'm not publicizing to get attention. read only if u are genuinely concerned. stop reading if u are getting upset or offended. don't come in if u dont appreciate wat i'm writing.

this is a democratic country. u have yer own choice. nobody is forcing my posts down yer throat and ask u to say "u are right abt wat u are writing"

everybody has their own thinkings and ideas.

i do appreciate the girl who replied to my second latest post in her own blog. i'm sorry i pissed u off. i'm sorry i hurt yer boy. i'm sorry it hurt u too. sorry.

pls just leave me alone. i've said all i wanna say in yer blog comments.

sighz.. an old rant

why why why?

it was only last October we were still talking. All went well during Ricky's birthday party didnt it? The supper after that was oso fun...that was only the third time we met up..but even so... just exchanging smses in between had been great. Why did u allow the misunderstanding to break up this frenship?

and the misunderstanding had been so silly!!

u were online just now...so y didnt u reply my email? sighz..its so funny how one moment i haf some other fren who thinks i'm pissed with him for ignoring me when i didnt even wanted to be bothered with dropping him one small sms.. while i'm here being genuinely exasperated with yer silence and sending u smses and emails over the months.

how could a guy be so petty. u arent like that i'm sure.

wat are the chances of u reading this? how else u want me to tell u that i'm not really interested to knw yer frens and asked u to ask them along simply cuz its kinda funny if its just us.

sighz.

This is hilarious...

he thought my earlier post was written because i was upset with him for ignoring me and tt it was because i was more angry with myself than with him...

hahahahhah..read this "reply" from him:

hahahhahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
>> actually ..
>> just reading the post alone
>> i gather shes pissed with me
>> cause ive been ignoring her

<< obviously
<<>

>> nope
>> even when i see her
>> i make a point to look really uninterested :p

<< the only reason she’s ranting about you 2 months late
<< is because she’s pissed
<<>

>> precisely :p
>> sad right

<< and because she wants to instigate some kind of response from you
<<>
<<>

>> nah
>> im honestly tickled
>> like i wanna laugh ..

<<>

>> because she just personified irony in its pure form :D

<< for fucks sake
<< who does she think she is
<< its not like you don’t know that you’re an idiot anyway
<< she thinks she’s being glenda the good witch by telling you that you’re an idiot?
<<>

>> youre a funny pug

<< no i just think she’s a first class hypocrite
<< for someone who can be so damn adamant and godly in front of me
<< come along and make this kind of commtns
<<>

OMG THE TRUTH IS OUT

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Notice the bolded comments? those are the ones that got me laughing...

oh my gosh....hhahahahha

having not spoken for wat....more than 2 months....by reading my post he thinks i feel pissed that "OH MY GOD...HE IS ACTUALLY IGNORING ME!! I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS IS HAPPENING"

when someone tries to act smart and thinks he's that damn good at inferring wat others write, based on only 1 pathetic post...he's just...i dunno...making a fool of himself? esp after he said " and because she wants to instigate some kind of response from you which i hope you don’t give her because she’s a bitch honestly"

dun hope to give me any response fom him? Hm.....but why am i suddenly seeing the 2 comments he dropped to me..(although) anonymously???? and den oso 2 posts in his blog?

oh my gosh.. can someone help me to stop laughing? and if u thnk i had cared abt reading his blog, which is how i saw his 2 posts? NAH....it was only thru my fren who read it..and came to thank me for speaking up for him. and i thought he read my blog. 

But he said.. 

"No..i was reading his blog and was pleasantly surprised to see how u stood up for me" 

and i said " but i dun go into his blog leh..wats the blog add?? i go see!!"

and TA DA!! He READ my blog and got super pissed (Shhhhh....he's claiming he's not bothered by it at all) and i read all abt his opinions abt wat he thought of my post..

and he's laughing at my post like how i'm laughing at his... hahahahah...this is funny shit...when everyone who knew the REAL reason why my earlier post was written, had been laughing non-stop when they saw HIS "reply" post!!!

and he mentioned...

he ACTED uninterested when he saw me... Mm...lets see....i was playing basketball with chong deng and logan...and den a call came from him and sometime later...he appeared....and just sat there watching us play basketball..and den started talking to logan and giving him childish dares(as usual)...and lets see....did i run up to him like i saw the love of my life? my memory's not failing me...but i dun thnk i did.......did i even turned a glance at him when he arrived? ...i dun thnk i did..... so why is he saying tt he made it a point to look uninterested to see me.....did i even care he's there in the first place??? was he even FIRST thought of and asked to be invited over in the first place??!!!

i wasnt planning on having to give any sequel to my earlier post.....but wat he wrote just tickled me so much so tt i had to say it out. He commented that i shouldn't enter into his game. Who's in yer game? Nobody wants to have ANYTHING to do with u anymore dude.... i dun need any response from u in the first place...

Yer so good with yer words...i'm hardly at yer level...its tiring to thnk of how i shld write my reply to you (its not necessary but i had to get it out) so that u will not read and think that i'm angry that yer not talking to me anymore.

This is really funny shit....

but then again..i cant help but think back on wat i do miss about this frenship... 

those dinner outings we had...

those outings had been really really fun.... 

the things he said and did was funny...

 very enjoyable and entertaining times... 

and how he brought me out for porridge when i was not feeling well....and thereafter, companied me the entire day... 

the assuring remarks when i was having probs with a fren... 

the list does go on..

u cant imagine how i had been going around telling me frens wat a genius u are for knowing all the places in spore u brought us to..which i nv knew existed...

u didnt know how much u impacted my life..then..

why had it all come to this? because of the stupid mistake i made? from his comments, hell yeah.

All these dissing of each other shouldnt be happening at all. like he said...we were aldy leaving each other alone and moving on with our life. The only reason for my earlier post was more like a rant after i found out abt wat he did to Peter. Ddint expect him to think that it was because of him ignoring me.. wat a joke...

i dun need a response from u....no..i dun want a response from u...

i'm not writing this to piss u off further or tickle u up further. 

i'm just reflecting on wat had been happening and how it had been better times before these shit happened. 

The only thing that u hurt me about had been how u asked me to go to yer church with u and the tone and attitude u gave me when i hopped into yer car. maybe u did it so tt u can haf the satisfaction of making me feel punk'd and i'm saying thats really hurting. 

U can have the satisfaction.

thank you Reina dear for reminding me that i've gone stagnant on my blog... but most importantly, i know that there's u who's concerned abt my life's updates and wat not... as uninteresting as my blog had been...u had cared enuf to come by :)

nothing much interesting abt my life as always...but oso not particularly uninteresting... the great uni frens i made...God had indeed provided well...not only all of them turned out to be christians...they are all a lot more faithful than i am... which makes it so much easier to stay on the right track even while in sch... ha!

i've started to like basketball alot..and managed to get past my personal barrier of not playing cuz i'll think to myself "i've got no basketball skills..and basketball is not fun at all...so y play?"..

but all thanks to my sis, Chong Deng and Logan, they helped to spark off my interest by teaching me some basic dribbling skills and many fun shooting games. and i proudly declare "i love basketball now!"

haha...but these 2 new frens made indeed brought abt alot of fun into my life as well...and i know that i can count on this frenship to last for the years to come...

apart from chong deng and logan, there's supposed to be jon lim in the grp as well...but he utterly disappoints me with his nonsensical immaturity and high level of inferiority complex... given his high IQ, his EQ is totally embarrassing... and even if logan or himself ever stumbled upon my blog and gets upset abt my comment, i'll still say it. Unless he learns to deal with people nicely, i'm not speaking to him anymore.

he just has to realize that the frens ard him had been treating him with sincerity. but as dumb as he can get with his low EQ, he thnks he feels better making cutting and hurting remarks and put them down. WTH. Go on, hurt the people ard u...Peter trusted u and u treated him like dirt... Yer the worst idiot i ever knew. U deserve having no more frens. I'm being harsh...but since nobody dares tell u this in the face, u know jolly well know i will. Since day 1 u know me. u KNOW i say things on my mind. U know that i'm not as predictable as u thnk i am. But one thing for sure u do not need to figure out...be nice to yer family and frens from the bottom of yer heart and not just me...everybody else will be nice and love u for who u are. Grow up Jon. Dun be stuck at the EQ of a 1month old!

alright...my blog is NOT dedicated to him. damn.

i need to get a bike--as in a bicycle... i wanna do night cycling...and i need it at my workplace since the common bike that we're sharing is giving me difficulty cuz of my height. sighz yes. i'm not really short, short. but i cant help it that most of my colleagues are taller than me and so they had to lower the seat just for my sake.

thanks guys...u guys are the most wonderful colleagues i ever had. (i'm referring to those at Forest Adventure where i'm working at now)

i sincerely apologize if my frens lost track of what i'm doing right now.

i'm doing a bachelor degree in Econs and Finance at RMIT (SIM campus, sadly) and working part time at Forest Adventure @ Bedok Reservoir.

Anybody interested to challenge yerself on this Unguided tree-top adventure course, feel free to visit the webbie @ www.forestadventure.com.sg

tats all dear Reina!!! i've updated my blog for u!! *muacks*

PS: can let me know yer blog add so tt i can save it in my favourites?

RMIT

Ok...i've given up on wordpress..

initially i had loads of inspiration of wat to write...but i only had time to do it halfway...and the nxt time i tried returning to cont my entry...i FOGOT my blog add... DUH -_-"

using back my current blog is still the best... and i still love this blog name...nth else seem to make me feel more satisfied than this...

Sch's started...Assignments, tutorials, readings, memorizing....all the usual studying stuff...and i haven exactly moved my ass to do most of it..haha....

sch's all abt having fun right now....tutorial discussions after class becomes 30% schwork and 70% bullshitting... if some thnks i'm a lamer...meet my classmates...they're 120% lamer than me...they practically move ard in wheelchairs!!..ok..not funny...but their jokes are...Bbrrrrr....

this thurs we're going to Sentosa! i cant wait....my first outing with my new classmates!! thats the thing abt sch....we study hard tog...but we play even harder!!!!!

i'm so gonna bring all of them to Forest Adventure to play...i hope Est is not gonna get us all stuck up there for laughing too hard...

slack~er

ah ha!!! the new guy is here to replace me... F.I.N.A.L.L.Y.....

But i still cant leave....cuz i gotta train him up...duh...

its funny how i'm blogging and him reading right beside me.... i'm crazy...but its true..

but its ok...cuz he's very zhi dong...he decided to pick up the book " Seafreight Forwarding" and leave me to blog in peace with no stress..

haha...

its fun knowing that i can spend my last days in Swire quite peacefully...but not quite... after i found out some shocking news...

1) M is real mean..now tt i'm leaving
2) my supposededly pay increment is not really an increment!!
3) my boss is gg to retrieve all our emails and read!! - - well not like i leaked out any company secrets..haa... -_-" ----> just lots of crap

Anyways...i'm intending to start a new blog....i've created an entry in Wordpress....but i'm still feeling my way ard and getting my inspiration to write smth...sensational....duh...not true..but yeah....trying to get back into the mood of writing..haha...

ok....blog updated....

ok...although its a taboo to say "i've got nothing to do at work today!"....i still gotta say it...

sighz..the stupid system is down once again...it meant loads of free time now...but lots of things to rush tomorrow...

after Sunday's Great Eastern 5km run, ting says she's addicted to running now...so after my meeting today, i'll be rushing home so we can go running tog..haha...

but this long weekend had been fun-filled...

it is indeed much more motivating to join sports events tog with a grp of good pals as we can encourage each other on...and doing healthy activities helps to ensure tt all of us are taking good charge of our health...

after our run tt morning...al of us went home to Zzzzzzzz..... later tt evening we met up again to have a singing session at Chinatown's K-ster...

it was actually meant to be a birthday surprise for our dear Princess G..haha....since she love k-ing...it seem like the best option....plus...everybody's so tired out from the run....its good to just slack ard and working only our lungs for some silly singing...

we sang till 11pm and off i went to meet yang for some prate...well not for me...he's the one eating....i had a stomach upset...so while he ate...i updated him on my fun-filled day...hahahaha...

den nxt morning, liyi met up with us for some tanning at Sentosa!! We were all so totally excited unitl............................

the busloads of blangadeses......



ARGH>>>> BUSLOADS of them.... i'm not being racist...but they are downright perverted and disgusting!!


but i must say....its thanks to them..that we managed to escape the rain... haha...cuz being there for only 2 hours, we were so disgusted by them that we decided to pack up and leave.

by the time we reached the bus terminal, it looked like it was gonna rain.... phew....at least we still had our tan.... and my back is burning now....

since my sisters were there with me...i shall save myself the trouble of uplaoding the pictures... at least i did my part my contributing with the wordy elaboration while they contributed the photos..haha...

okok...i'm just being lazy...but yeah...go view ting's blog for the fantastically gorgeous photos!!

BIG DISAPPOINTMENT...

but oh well... who to blame but myself!!!

if i'm in the mood to blame, i can come up with 10 GOOD reasons why i failed without blaming myself.... here goes..

1) helmet's too big for my head...so when i checked my blindspot, my helmet doesnt turn and so i keep getting penalize for not doing safety checks

2) the bike's friggin lousy...the clutch is so not sensitive enough

3) i'm the first half of 90 candidates...the testers are more alert and awake

4) the testers have bad eyesight...y didnt they spot my safety checks?????

5) the narrow plank is too long and narrow...i could have done better if it were shorter

6) the public road users are too impatient to let me change my lane the right way

7) the road shld be smoother so i won't lose balance so much

8) the bike shld be lower so tt i won't keep wobbling

9) they shld increase passing points to 20points..isnt tt a nicer figure?

10) the testers are simply too old for good judgement of safe riders.

Aw...there...10(bullshit) reasons why i failed...

RESIGNATION

Its a good thing none of my colleagues knows my blog....or i thnk many of them are gonna strangle me if i were to declare "i am so gonna tender my resignation tmr"...and my "tmr" dates: 06/08/08....

is it a good idea? i dunno....but i am beginning to really hate the probs tt keep arising at work... i keep having to clear up messes...be it my own stupid doings or the someone who just left.... its just so....tiring...

and my vessels are just great to me....keeps berthing during weekends....which means most of the time its back to office on a sat AND sun just to ensure nothing cranks up...but something ALWAYS do....DUH...

09/10/08 marks the day i get my 2B?? i'm praying i do...cuz i just wants to move on to learning smth else.... i'm making good progress in my guitar lessons frm my sis.... i cant help but applaud myself for my clever-er-ness in learning new things...ha!

13/10/08 is the day i'll be down at NUH and finally..hopefully...reveal what my irritating skin condition is...keeping my fingers cross...

17/10/08 comes and there goes Martin to good ol' Australia...dunno when will i den ever get to see him again? hope he brings his lego speaker set over..haha...so it reminds him of us and make him miss us so.... aw....

23/10/08 in comes my pay... $$$...cool-ness!!

*PS: Meanie Ming(if u ever reads this)...i am sharing it with u....thats right...in yer dreams...HA!

ok... the much rant abt wedding i was busily helping out with is finally over... and it had been alot of fun..

scored a lot of points with yang's mum's family and friends too...hahhahahahaha...he'll have his chance to score points too la..hahah..

Marco finally got someone in to replace my position when i'm gone this year end... and it was once again someoned referred by my couzzie's agency.... and he was so sure i might know the new girl since its referred by my couzzie.... i went "SO??!!" .. haha..i mean...there's like hundreds of people who send resume to my couzzie to get job offers.... and so whag if the new girl's my age and happen to stay in SengKang???

but the world is really small....just as i finished convincing him its impossible to be someone i knw......TA~DA!!! Germaine.....my CHIJ OLGC pri sch and ZHSS schmate.....COOL!

and when i asked her how she came to know abt my couzzie's agency, she said she only posted her resume on JobsDB and my couzzie contacted her to go for the interview...

so well...MArco's rite..i do knw her afterall...and its definitely good!!


its so easy to get along since we knew each other beforehand...for yrs....and being at the same age...and her having a little bit of Shipping knowledge, 2 days into her job, she can work semi-independently...just like me~ahem~when i was new...

so my OT's shld hopefully get lesser and my church committments hopefully resumes more... riite now i'm still handling 2 vessels single-handedly...but Germaine shall be the one to save me from all the fatique and stress...soon i hope...

cuz day 1 i explained to her my pathetic situation that gave me a (though)not-so-pathetic pay.... but i really needed to rest soon....

and so..thats more or less my work life update...

and as per my usual practice...i'll usually talk abt my bike development nxt..haha....

things are gg well and my bike friend ting ting finally cleared her prac 5 and can now go for road training...i'm so happy for her!! after 7 attempts at prac 5 and she finally cleared it....well God must've His reasons for answering her prayers only after 7 tries...heez....

alrighty...need to go run some errands...thats abt all for my boring life.... i wanna take up fencing and archery after i get my license..hopefully life perks up from there!!!


Reina dear...gimme the webbie so tt i can upload all the pictures i wanna show off in my blog..hahhahahahah....

updates!!

haha...ok...its me being lazy again....

but honestly..can someone advice how do i go abt piecing all the different photos together and post it up here? i've always had alot of photos...but am just too lazy to upload it on... sighz...the wonders of laziness in me...

but but but.... come OCT 9.... my bike TP....i cant believe it...   

i'm gonna have my own ride(soon?)!!!

i wun be lazy..i'll keep going for revision...i must pass first time....my many attempts at class 3 is such an embarrassment...RAWRS~~~

i cant wait for tml and sat to come....

FRI:

8am-10am: bike circuit revision

1pm-7pm: shopping and shopping and more shopping

8pm-10pm: cell grp meeting

11pm: meeting my baby

12am: my baby turning 21 and i've a surprise for him!!!!!

SAT:

8am-11am: back to office to clear my work

12pm-2pm: mini golf at Lilliputt

2pm-3pm: lunch

3pm-5pm: shopping

5pm-6pm: massage session at Kenko

6pm-7.30pm: dinner

8pm: cable car to sentosa

8.40: Song of the Sea

9.30: cable car back to harbourfront

10pm: supper 

mm.....thats how i intend to spend my day with my darling for his 21st birthday.. i hope things will go as planned.....

......and i finally had my hair cut after such a long time....i'm once again with short hair....BAh...what does it matter...as long as i feel cool and comfy....i dun give a damn how short my hair gets...but of course i must look prettyyyy too.....hahahahahah...

i'm outta here.... need to learn how to style my hair a different way...hmmm...

vanish----*poof*

my fantasy rite now is to vanish from the face of this cruel, selfish heartless world.

i had  nv felt so negative abt my life and the people ard me to this point before... but i'm so damn hurt and upset!

work had always given me a great sense of satisfaction and achievement when i successfully 

completed my task independently. and i reaped my well deserved results recently when my direct manager praised me time and time again...even asking me if they could work smth out with me when i leave for my studies nxt year... he had said that he's impressed with my working and learning attitude... and i value add to my company...

who wouldnt be pleased to hear that from yer superior? the very one whom interviewed me and chosen me over other candidates.... it prides me to know that i had shown him that he had made a right choice...

having slogged so much for the past 4months, my rate of progress had made all my bosses and colleagues pleased with me...of course not forgetting to mention, the many problems i had faced, without the grace of God, i would nv have gotten out of it all so quickly.

i had learnt fast not by my own strength and i had put in my best effort cuz i wanted to please God. Since i had chosen to take up the challenge of this job, i will finsh the race and finish it well and not giving up like how i used to do.

but i still am human....i will break under pressure...and i'm definitely feeling it now...handling vessel after vessel with no breaks for me....

when i first joined this company, by the first week, i'm independently handling a vessel all by myself.... so i couldnt understand why Dawn isnt able to do it having spent 1.5months here aldy.

it's extremely tiring for me to stay up late in the office all the way to 10-11pm just to finish up my work so that i'll be ready to tackle the new tasks for the nxt day...and no matter how i tried start my preparations early, handling 2 vessels at a time is no easy task. there would bound to be hiccups where my efforts would come to naught.

today i had a very bad scolding from my shipper from Shell Eastern. all because she had not 

received her B/L after vessel sailed 2 weeks ago. and the most ridiculous thing? i'm not even the one responsible for B/L. my job is to arrange all the documentations and bookings before vessel arrives, and after it sailed, my job is to consolidate B/L drafts and pass on to the B/L dept for processing...den i tally my vessel for local and transshipment shipments and i send the necessary reports, and my liability for the vessel ends there. period.

and today i was accused by her that i'm an irresponsible and inefficient person. wat a joke. when she faxed the B/L draft on 1st August, 6.45pm, i was still in the office doing my work. when i saw the fax came in, i had immediately pass on the draft to my colleague Esah to process while i went on to arrange for the export permit to be done for her. and the time when i sent out my export permit email, it was 7.09pm. at the same time Esah had finish processing the draft and faxed it back to her.

note this. we used less than 30min to complete our tasks and revert back to her. now 12days later, she's on the other side of my phone line and screaming all the accusations at me for not doing anth and not replying to her emails.

imagine my bewilderment when i nxt received an email from her addressed to me with my boss and manager copied in. and mind you, the things she said in the email to me is nth nice nor true. i felt so terribly upset. i did my job fast. just because something went wrong and she didnt received her B/L and i had all the false accusations rained on me.

thank God my managers in the loop knew that it couldnt have been my fault nor Esah's. and they helped me did all the explanations, saving me from another possible tongue lashing from the sales manager from the TOL office.

things didnt end there. later that evening i made a call to another shipper informing her that her shipment wasnt supposed to be accepted on the  current vessel as vessel was overbooked. and i got another scolding. this is once again not my fault. it had been Dawn's overlook and gave her the confirmation without seeking advice from trade. when i found out Dawn's mistake, i tried my best to rectify the problem without making it obvious that its her fault. and so i ahd to face another blame and scolding. and i had to write an email to explain to the shipper's client why it hadnt been accepted and yet confirmation was given.

what to do? i could only apologise and said that i had overlooked the booking situation of the vessel and thus made the booking for them and ultimately it got rejected by trade.

to top it all off, back home i was again accused by my sister of smth i did not(so totally not) do.

all the hurt in my heart is so huge. i just feel like i'm gonna burst if one more accusation is made on me.

all my life. i've done so much for my sisters. yet something goes wrong, fingers point to me first. Fine. i wun talk abt past things. i dun wanna bear grudges. to be honest. i nv bear grudges. i often forget things quickly.

but right now i just feel like vanishing. i really wanna give up. its so difficult to stay afloat when u have unhappy burdens pushing u down.

if i'm ask to picture how i feel abt my current state of mind and situation i can only say "i feel trapped"...i feel like i'm chained to the seabed while i tries frantically to help myself stay afloat. my current faith level is just like that of seeing a boat a metre away from me with the fisherman wanting to help me free from the chain but he had nth to help me with. he's like the help---so near yet so far.

i hate to tell myself i'm just an artificial christian. i dun want to seek God only when in times of trouble. but when trouble really comes knocking, i have no problem blaming God.

if i feel hurt about being accused, wouldnt it be a million times worse for Him, whom had paid such a heavy price for us?

how i wish i can tell God face to face that i'm so sorry for all the things that i've done.

"in your holiness, i find redemption song, in your majesty, i find where i belong"

i just hate myself. i hate my life. i hate this entry.

i want to love again.

B.O.R.E.D

being at home with nth to do makes me appreciate my work so much more..

at least being in the office with tasks to complete, time pass really quick...

my last time check was 2pm... my current time check is 2.10pm... get the idea?

arg...

it sucks feeling sick... and it sucks feeling bored.... i was contemplating booking a circuit revision today... but i dun trust my stomach though...

just now i experienced a pain i nv had before... it was so excruciating tt i didnt even have the strength to call out to my sis... so i could only rest in my chair and will the pain away...

but as suddenly as the pain came... few minutes later, it subsided and everything seemed fine up to this point... i wonder whats wrong with me...

i shld listen to the doc and go for a scan.... if its some cancer, at least i detected it early....

mm....

but well...

anyway i was surfing through STOMP webbie and i came across the post that my darling showed me tt day... 

wat a great idea to get ppl exercising without realizing it! haha... it was quite a novelty if Singapore really did it... we'll no longer be known as the FINE city.. we'll changed to be known as ERP(Every Route Pay..i/o Every Road Pay)..

but i believe i wun be laughing if we really had to do it... tourists would come visit...but only to admire how our govt make money out of shoppers...ha!

haha... i dun realized how lazy i actually am till i read my previous blog and realized i STILL have not gotten down to doing wat i said io'll do...

whatever....

i'm now blogging in my office...

believe it or not...and if the time reflects at 9.06pm, dun be surprised... the office is like my second home...

i shld get back to work....

later~~

Lesson 6!

Woo Hoo~ sweet...

i cleared my assessment first time!! hahahahha...now i'm on to lesson 6 part 1.. but that is if i can get my PDL done out real soon...

but yeah......yang just went on to lesson 6 part 2... heez...not that i wanna compete la...but i use it as a bench mark to learn and improve more quickly and get that license in my possession real soon...

i've so much photos stored in my phone now...

1) Lilian's birthday celebration

2) Pre-U frens get together at New Asia Bar

3) Chilli Noodle makan session with my girlfriends

hahahah....it was a blast of a time this week...

but not at work.. i'm glad i'm the kind that can play when its time to play...and work when its time to work.. can't blame me... i made 2 major mistakes at work in 1 week... with all the stress building up...how can i not set aside some time for eating, drinking and playing to release the stress build-up?

i still have alot of explanations to do:

- Pastor Susan, as i haven been going for Children Church

- Adrian, as i haven been making it down for cell

- Deb, for screwing up my new zealand booking

And i have to absolutely say thank you to:

- God, for all the problems at work settled in the most miraculous ways

- Kenny, for helping me with the explanation to my vessel's capt and teaching me alot of stuff

- Capt Fadil for accepting my cargo graciously

- My girlfriends for all the fun!

- My bike instructors for all the biking skills picked up

- My Darling, for putting up with my moods

- My family, for knowing when to leave me alone and when to offer a listening ear

the list can go on...

now let me do some explanation abt wat happened:

First mistake made:

i accepted some pipes onto the vessel, Tasman Mariner 140827, going to the New Zealand port Tauranga. However, it didnt occur to me that this vessel doesnt take breakbulk cargo to this destination and i had aldy sent out a letter of confirmation to the local shipper. Although the time btw my confirmation and her accepting my cfm wasnt long...but she worked fast. She immediately ordered for the barge to bring in the cargo just to meet the timing of our connecting vessel.. the nxt day when i tried to explain to her tt there is absolutely no way for us to take her cargo, she told me all arrangements had been made. We have to take it or she'll  have wasted abt $20,000 on the barge.

i didnt know wat to do. in the end Marco discussed it with capt Fadil and the operations team and decided that it is minutely possible to take it onboard T.Mar but that means the space available for other breakbulk items are greatly reduced as the pipes are stored in a very awkward position.

so ok. problem solved.

den came another NZ booking to Masden Point. It's another breakbulk cargo. 120MT(120,000kg) of steel plates. Initially all was fine. Cargo was initially accepted onboard T.Mar to Auckland(Masden point and Auckland very close geographically). However, Capt adviced that there's no space to take the cargo and thus it had to be rolled to the nxt available vessel T.Independence 140828. And all still seem fine as T.Ind calls directly at Masden point and the consignee had no issue abt waiting for this vessel berthing on 02/08.

the prob came when i failed to re-send a cfm informing the local supplier that the cargo is not going onboard T.Mar(berthing 19/07). so the local supplier had aldy sent in the 120MT of steel plates into PPW(pasir panjang wharf).

now note this. when cargoes are left in the wharf for more than 72hrs(unless they are given 21days free detention), store rent would be charged by PSA. like i had said earlier, the nxt earliest vessel berthing in Sin is 02/08 -- 2 weeks(14 days!) away. imagine the amount of store rent to be paid for the cargo sitting there in the wharf because of my carelessness -- i calculated..would amt to abt $84K. All this would be on Swire's account--- and there goes my bonus.

But of course the bonus is not the main point. The point is, how are we to solve the prob?

Option 1) take the cargo onboard T.Mar as initally planned but had to drop some other shipper's cargo. And pay for the transshipment fee to move it from Auckland to Masden point.

Option 2) pay for the transportation for transporting the steel plates back to the supplier first and then transporting it back to the wharf again 2 weeks later

Option 3) pay for the store rent

Option 4) pray that T.Mar actually had space to take in the cargo.

Conclusion: Capt Fadil said that there was actually some space to take in the steel plates and so he's willing to load it on. And from the consignee's end, they had actually requested to go Auckland instead of Masden point the day before and we were not informed yet. So it turned out, everything settled nicely. Cargo going on T.Mar to Auckland. No extra payments or arrangements needed.

I'm so amazed by how things worked out. God's grace can never be fathomed by us. Never in a million years would i have foreseen that things would turn out this way. Tell me, who would've expected the vessel to have space at the last min? who would've expected the consignee to change destination at the last min? and of course, I'm thankful for the graciousness of Capt Fadil for taking in my cargo without making things difficult for me. ( from wat i learnt from Kenny abt another capt when he made a similar mistake)

so other minor stuff like finally settling my tally report which was way overdue and the trade manager was hounding me for it like crazy. i was trying to tally something that i didnt know wats wrong and at the same time meet all the deadlines for other tasks as my new colleague didnt know how to do any of it. that week had been so crazy and stressful that i almost broke down halfway. it also includes the many hrs of OT that had to be put in to catch up on work. OT till 11plus was smth i nv knew i had to do till that week....and prob many weeks to come...as long as my new colleague doesnt learn fast enuf.

ok. guess i shld stop procrastinating and get down to getting that email of apology and explanation out to my bosses and managers and capt.

tata~ God's grace is absolutely amazing through it all!

uh... i'm so shack even as i'm updating ma blog with events of this past week...

after countless complaints abt Sam quitting...we finally had the new girl in to replace Sam. but wat an understatement to use the word 'replace'.

its hardly considered replacing! she's as INEXPERIENCED as i had been. but of course, she's a determined 19-yr-old... quick to learn and pick up what's taught to her. but time isnt allowing her to take things slow! but haiz...she's still learning how to do the basic bookings. looks like i'll be handling 2 vessels each time from now to God knows when.

but i do enjoy working with her. at least she has drive and initiative. a positive learner too.

i just hope she can pick up faster. being only 3 month old in the company for me, i'm getting indefinitely panicky as the day Sam is leaving draws near.

i'm really hating the countdown. arg....guess its do or die.

wed night i had my 3rd circuit revision. and with no exception, my revision went horribly wrong. it made me wonder why did i even reach this stage in the first place. but well the bright side of it, i had my fave instructor to guide me throughout. haha. talk abt privileged treatment. HA!

but yeah. can tell he enjoyed teaching me. but i must say...he and this other instructor can teach really well. i just feel so comfortable with their teaching style. but the blur sotong tot i changed specs. haha. he said there's smth different abt me tt night but he cant seem to figure out wat. den he asked issht i changed glasses. i told him no quizzically and i rode off. it was only later den i realized tt he didnt realize the difference was just me wearing glasses for lesson. as i nv wore glasses those past times when he taught me.

haha.

but yeah. i still haven had the chance to tell him thats the reason i looked different...and prettier according to him....hahahahah! i must tell yang. cuz yang said i looked better w/o my glasses.

after my lesson, i headed down to Zouk with Justina to meet Chuan and his friends. But it hadnt been much fun. cuz the stamp i received denied me entry to phuture. Bah....so irritating. and i felt so bad abt having the rest of them stuck in the Mambo side because of me.

so i made a wise and heroic decision. i decide to head home by myself. HA! heroic k? i didnt know where i was walking while making my way out of Zouk cuz all the smoke is drying out my contacts and i didnt wanna rub my eyes in case i smeared my mascara.

haha. but yeah. good thing i was there regular enuf for me to make my way out w/o looking too lost. haha. must keep up a good image. esp when i'm leaving just as the party started!

as hesitant as i felt abt leaving, it was a wise choice la. i still had work the nxt day. i was surprised i could even get out of my bed.

the rest of the week passed quickly. and today i did my 4th CR. seeing improvement today, i decided i should just book for my assessment nxt sat. so again, Wed night i shall hava my CR, sat morning is another 2hrs of CR followed by my circuit assessment.

phew. i hope all my practice will not go to waste and i can move on to lesson 6 soon!

its now time to get ready for Lilian's 21st...its been so long since i last saw her! i must take lots and lots of pictures!!!

Work may be work.... as stress as everything had been... my colleagues nv seem to forget to have some crazy fun when time allowed... haha... i was so busy laughing at their antics tt i forgot to take photos of it all...

nevertheless, i finally had the chance to take photos of my desk and my office... but its mainly my side of the office... had the urge to take photo of my boss and his room...but he seem super busy so i had decided against it...

well...this was wen things hadnt been too intense... today i'm once again home from bouts of diarrhoea... the stress level is getting higher by the day.... now with 2 vessels calling in port, i had to go back to office even on sat because of my leave from work today...or monday might just gimme a heart attack...

i do enjoy my work...when i know wat i'm doing...

and i hate it wen i realized i made the same mistakes over and over again whenever a vessel berths....

Marco had been extremely patient with me....but i honestly dun want any mistakes to be repeated anymore... by nature i'm extremely careless with details....this job had helped me improve my organisational skills and made me much more systematic in multi-tasking... but i'm definitely still not good enuf..

my colleagues had been doing alot in helping to lighten my load... and i feel very bad abt it...so i must learn as much as i can so tt i can take back and do my duties while they can enjoy a lighter workload.... i do wonder why they dun wanna get more people into the dept?

sighz... ok... i guess i need to go check  my mails and start working a little from home.