i just read a friend's blog.

sighz. i'm rather glad tt i've gotten over the period of my darling's BMT. HA! cuz as i read abt how much he's 'suffering' away from his gf while he's at camp and always counting down to the weekends, i realized at least my darling and i had adpted to this kinda life.

though many times when i went with his parents to drive him back to camp, i'll have to fight back my tears. the tot of being away for the nxt 5 days of the week is really unbearable. but in a way its good. it resulted in us treasuring every moment we have with each other more...so much more.

i'm so relieved i've managed to "survive" the 3 weeks without. esp these last few days. he called me a few nights ago, telling me his prepaid card left only $1+ so he wun call anymore. but 2 mornings later, he called, but i missed his call cuz i was away from my desk in the office. when i saw the miss call, there's so much pain in my heart, knowing tt i had missed a chance to chat with him. eventhough i know its only for a min or two...but the tot of the missed chance really had me feeling so upset.

then i tot he'll probably not call again cuz he's flying back tt weekend. but today, he tried calling again! and somehow i didnt hear my phone ring eventhough its in my pocket. when i took out my phone and saw tt i missed his call just 2min ago, i felt super super upset. i cant believe i missed his call again!!

i missed him so much so tt i started praying silently....asking God to get yang to call me again. and abt 10 min later, he really did. this time i didnt miss his call cuz trusting God to answer my prayer, i had held the phone in my hand, no matter how inconvenient i found it.

so when my phone rang and reflecting "private number" i knew it had gotta be him. relieved tumbled over me as i hear his voice. although he told me he only has 40sec left of airtime i didnt care. as long as i got to tell him i miss him. but the 40sec ended all too soon.

although i did regret not having the chance to tell him i love him before we got cut off, i'm not complaining. Cuz God had shown me tremendous grace by giving us this short 40sec to let each other know we're ok.

this 40sec also helped ease the pain of missing his call few days ago.

i'm really thankful for this 40sec.

and my darling is reaching singapore today at 0200. i'm definitely keeping my phone by my side in case he calls!

i miss him so much. he's definitely getting lots of hugs and kisses from me....and not forgetting the egg bread i promised to make for him! :D

i love u my darling baby! 

i hate my ex workplace.

it sucks.

the open policies they "claimed" they encouraged.

the "welfare" they have, sucks.

everything abt them is disgusting.

DISGUSTINGLY LOUSY.  This is how i feel abt the management of JG.

Ever since the day i confronted S abt how wrong she is, in the way she's treating a fellow colleague, i knew i cant stand being in the coy any longer.

Even when the people offered to "have a good talk" abt my unhappiness abt their management, they're just only trying to brainwash you abt why THEY ARE RIGHT.

What utter BULLSHIT.

The Z incident i had before i left was the last straw.

In between there's so many disgusting things that happened, that when my sis told me smth tt happened today, i'm not the least bit surprised. Just extremely disgusted that the management still didnt seem keen to change for the better. FUCKERS.

Their discernment for the good and bad teachers are lousy...well, most of the time...

if they're tt damn good, then my eldest sis wun be constantly warning ting abt so many things with regards to the coy....i've a strong feeling she experienced it herself, thats why she could give all these warnings. but just because she dun complain to my mum, she thnks my sis has no probs. its always like tt.

WHY?

we chose to confide every single thing in my mum. at the end of the day, she'll scold us abt our complains. why is it wrong to let her know abt our prob? why cant she view it as us yearning to be close to her, like friends do. why cant she appreciate the fact tt she dun need to be like other mums who need to pry info out of their children and we tell her anth with no reservations.

thnk abt it. does she understand my eldest sis as much as she did for us? she gotta admit. she dun. which is why she had to search for her blog to find out abt her stuff.

i know part of her scolding us when we complained abt our problems is cuz she loved us and so she's feeling the hurt we felt. but being asians, rather than conveying the concern she had for us through loving gestures (eg, a hug), she scolded us to mask the discomfort of displaying affectionate actions.

i understood it fully well how it felt. Like myself, the refusal to display such acts of affection for my family also includes my need to retain my pride. which in turn gives me discomfort. One recent incident to illustrate it was yst with chuisan.

we were in the bedroom watching tv.

San accidentally hurt her back against the bed post. Immediately, a small voice at the back of my head wanted to hug her and ask if she was ok and need me to help her in anyway. But my actions and actual speaking tone refused to cooperate and came out just the opposite.

i said in a harsh tone : " ok not?"

"ya" san said.

thats all.

then after a moment hesitation, i told myself, God wouldnt be pleased with me in treating my sis this way. so i forced myself to put down my pride and i told her : "actually ah, i really wanted to know if yer ok. why u so clumsy. so u ok not. does it hurt alot? need me to help u massage?" and in between i added things like "peifen is probably the one that'll give such immediate reaction. she's the only one who can do tt."

but then again, when i thnk abt it, actually i thnk all the other girls would react like her too...esther, liyi, charissa, amanda, lydia, geraldine....all our female friends would definitely showed her such concern....only me, her blood sister, dun do tt.

sighz.

what a failure i am.

for years i've tried to teach myself to lower my pride and shrink my ego. i've succeeded sometimes, but many times i still dun. why do i feel the need to hide my true concern for people close to me because of pride and ego?

i really love my family and my friends.

many times i just wanna give them all a big hug and tell them i love them and i appreciate them so so so much.

i'm working towards it.

so if one fine day i muster the courage to display an act of affection. dun be surprised or thnk i'm crazy. instead, pls encourage me and tell me yer proud of me.

we will nv know what will happen nxt.

i dun wanna regret only when the chance is gone.

   

my sis is rite! my mum still reads my blog...and she keep complaining tt my mum dun read hers...so...to do her a favour, i'll put down her blog add here...

its www.mightyminime.blogspot.com----->mummy pls note it down. thank you:)

i really dun understand those faggot cowards...

its not the first time i came across my friend's tagboard with someone undisclosed and scolding the blogger...

HELLO?? if u really wanna scold, den should have said out yer name wat. one moment yer saying the person's a fucking faggot...nxt moment yer being a double fucking faggot yerself...

so underhanded.... dare to scold dun dare to say name...

HA! such cowardice is even worse than any fucking faggots k?

i hope those fucking idiots can spend their time doing more meaningful things with their lives rather than let it rot away by going into people's blog and scold people for no fucking reason.....if they cant find meaningful stuff to do, then they might as well just drop dead and fuck off...

i'm scolding them and i am proclaming my name out loud... i'm Ng Chui Yee...go ahead and sue me or scold me i dun give a fucking damn....cuz this is my blog and i can say wat i want.

so there.

somebody help me thnk of a way to grow my hair and not keep cutting it?


today i'm at home cuz of a bad stomach.. must've been cuz of the stress build-up over the past 4 days at work.... but i enjoyed learning everything so much....so didnt notice my underlying stress..not till my IBS starts working up... so i had to take MC from work...but guess wat? my mum said she dun believe me. hello?? doesn't she know after 21yrs tt i have this syndrome and it always happens my first few days of work?

i'm so disappointed when she actually said she dun believe i'm really sick at all.

arg..heck manz....even while i'm home i'm still logged in to my work mail to do my work.

she just dun know me. *peeved*

aiyaya...

each time i see my blog's profile pic, i really miss tt hairstyle.... i really wanna quickly outgrow my current style and change it back! heh...

today's my third day at work. mm.. not too bad. though i made blunders and get so blur tt i konked up my own wrk and had to re-do everything..but at the end of each day, i'll still manage to learn one more new skill to apply to my job. not too bad. and my bookings dept colleagues are indeed really patient with me. i'm just thankful tt its only my third day there. although i felt tt i feel so familiar ard the office, but in actual fact i'm only there for 3 days!

heh. well...there's still very much more systems i'll need to learn....and i started picking up calls today to take shipment bookings. well...if its shipment bookings, its of course quite simple as i've been doing the bookings part for2 whole days....whatever vessel or ports or ETA ETD..as long as it's TOL(Tasman Orient Line)'s shipping route, i'm relatively ok..

blah blah blah...i'm finally not feeling foreign to the shipping line jargon...i feel so much relieved now.... 

but there's still alot more to go. my dept manager kept telling me its only the tip of the ice berg. as much as i'm feeling nervous, i knnow once i get the hang of it, i can be like a pro.

now another urgent thing is knowing my colleagues' extensions. cuz other than receiving calls for bookings, i'll oso receive calls of enquiries...since i'm still new, it means tt i'm not familiar with who from which dept shld i forward the call to. or some wld call to ask for this person or that..and i'll take a long time to forward the call...one guy actually hung up on me. sighz....

but my day always ends well....

today my darling finally called again...it slipped my mind tt he might be off for field camps so i was actually really anxious and upset tt he didnt call. but i'm really touched that the moment he had the chance, he called. heez. it pays to keep my phone in loud ringing mode. each time it rings, i'll know it...and if i see a private number calling, i know it'll most prob be him :)

i miss him so much. the 3 weeks is passing too slowly!

okayzz.....

not tt i didnt miss my darling even though i stop posting in entries the past few days... i really do miss him still..haiz...every night i must look at the photo presentation he made in his hp before i can slp...plus....i cant help but still will cry each time i watch the presentation....the accompanying song he used remind me of him so much!! i miss u darling!!

anyways...

went k-boxing with chuan, jus, ting, joanna and shi min yst. but i dun have my camera phone with me!! so we only used chuan's real cybershot camera..haha...okok...if use tt to compare to my cybershot phone, my phone is not as real a camera la.... so no photos to upload... :x

i'm waiting for my darling to come back with my phone so tt i can upload the photos we took while we went onto singapore flyer! yes! we had the whole capsule to ourselves k!!

heez...

   

and i'm starting work at Swire Shipping tml :) i hope things wun be too challenging until i get the hang of it.... and i'm sure God will grant me favor with my new colleagues and managers! i know i can do it de....Azawaza fighting!!

i hope i can still find time to blog....i'm expected to do OTs.....whatever it is, applying wat i learnt in today's sermon, choosing to count my blessings no matter what happens...i WILL stick through situations however hard its gonna be :)

cheer me on!!

uh oh...i haven written a post to my darling today wor!

haha...its cuz i went shpooing with my mummy today...but didnt buy anth wor

just like yst

i oso went shopping with my mummy and sisters and aunty...but again nv buy anth...

i cant believe it! a bunch of ladies going shopping but didnt buy anth at all!

haha...looks like none of us are shopaholics when tog...but individually, we'll spend like crazy! haha...

but i'm so happy...my final jgc pay came in le!! now with money in my bank, i feel better le..heh...

tml going for a job interview at Swire Shipping Agencies Pte Ltd

 position applied for is customer service

i do hope i can get it.. but i do hope when i get it, i can handle the job...and of course i do hope the pay is good enough!

heh...i do miss my darling...but i'm oso glad my mummy has been asking me to go out...cant help but feel tt she's trying to accompany me...heez...

BUT..............

i haven get to run at all!! i feel so fat and unhealthy!! i must run tml!!!

ok..go slp le...wish me luck for tml's interview!!